Writings

Topical Jokes Feb. #1


February 11th, 2013

The Parents Television Council is upset with CBS for not censoring Baltimore Ravens Quarterback Joe Flacco when he used the F-word after the Super Bowl, saying the network should have been prepared. CBS tried to defend itself, but unfortunately, they learned defense from the 49ers.

The executive board of the Boy Scouts said Wednesday that they have delayed a vote on lifting a ban on allowing homosexuals, saying they will need several more months to decide. But to keep you guessing, they’ll continue to wear the ambiguous neckerchief.

A new survey shows that 82 percent of Americans will spend only as much money as they did last year on Valentine’s Day gifts and not more than that, and 18 percent will try to not wake up alone again.

Disney officials announced this week that in addition to new Star Wars sequels, it will also be making a series of stand-alone spin-off movies involving characters such as Yoda and Boba-Fett, just to make it easier for fans to coordinate their outfits.

A fashion designer has created a new dress called the “Intimacy 2.0,” which turns transparent when the woman wearing it becomes sexually aroused. They also have a version for men, only they’re called “sweatpants”.

Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh admitted that during the celebration after their Super Bowl win Sunday they briefly misplaced the Lombardi Trophy. Thankfully, it just accidentally fell into Ray Lewis’s mouth.

A new survey finds that the number one thing single people judge potential dates on is their teeth, followed by their grammar. In a related study, nobody dates in Arkansas.

A library in Scotland has begun offering pole-dancing lessons to patrons. Just when you thought you could possibly like kilts again.

A 7th grade class at a school in Massachusetts has 16 sets of twins and 1 set of triplets. Or so says Mrs. Crabtree after her teacher lounge happy hour.

Female students at a New Jersey Catholic high school have taken a “no-cursing” pledge, and were immediately ex-communicated from New Jersey.

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